Thanks to Jeff K1Nss for this treat
When all else failed miserably in Washington to protect the Homeland from fake news, hacked presidential elections and like really strategic Vermont electric companies, it took but a few amateur radio operators and rocketeers to solve the problem on New Year’s Day, 2017.
Hamland Security Systems is the latest private space venture, but worlds away from big-budget high-flyers like SpaceX, Blue Horizon and Virgin Galactic.
From a back yard launch facility in New York’s Hudson River Valley, utilizing a whole bunch of Estes rocket boosters all tied together, HSS lofted an off-the-shelf Cold War era ham radio accessory into high polar orbit, effectively placing an impenetrable electronic tinfoil helmet over every square inch of our Glorious Affordable Lovely Mother Homeland.
“We were going to call ourselves “Gloriously Affordable Lovely Mother Homeland Security” to dramatize our advantage over the plain old Department of Homeland Security,” exclaimed an HSS spokesperson who declined to be identified. “But then somebody suggested “Hamland Security Systems,” which sounded all bluff and buff and Men in Black Tahoes and everything, only with ham radio, so we went with that.”
HSS claims to have purchased the Woodpecker Blanker for just five dollars last summer at a local hamfest. To counter the growing strategic threat in the South China Sea, the group is currently modifying a second Woodpecker Blanker found in the basement of an abandoned S.S. Kresge Five & Dime.
“You couldn’t beat Nicholls’ patented Ninotchka Filter for blanking Soviet over-the-horizon radar interference,” allowed an HSS geek who spoke in a funny voice for the purpose of anonymity. “But that whole Spratley thing is a different kettle of Kung Pao Shrimp. We can’t reveal exactly what we’re doing, but not for nothing, MSG is the new DSP.“