A GUIDE TO AMATEUR RADIO REPEATER JAMMERS or VSP’s (Very Sad People)

 

First of all we need to understand these jammers. That’s not too difficult a task, they are quite simply brain dead morons with very sad lives. Simple, isn’t it? Let’s face it. If the most exciting thing in your life was to sit there and jam a radio repeater, then you would consider yourself a very sad person, wouldn’t you?. When you do the quiz at personalitydisorder.com and find out that you do have a mental health problem then the only cure is to be a ham radio jammer.

This feeling of self low esteem doesn’t seem to bother jammers though, as they aren’t bright enough to understand how sad they look to others. They are little more than unintelligent morons with nothing of interest to say and nothing to contribute to a community, so they make their presence known anonymously. This need for anonymity displays another common trait of a jammer’s character, the cowardice. Jamming is just a cowardly form of bullying and is usually done by basic ticket hams.

The kerchunk jammer

This jammer likes to kerchunk the repeater over and over again until the thumb gets tired. He likes to hear the courtesy tone go beep and the repeater go kerchunk. It’s almost like the dripping water torture system. They will do this on VHF and UHF and want to let you know they have more than 7 channels on their Azden PCS-2000

The digital jammer

This jammer likes to send digital information, like packet or DTMF tones on repeaters.

The good citizen jammer

This jammer masquerades as an upstanding pillar of the community most of the time but makes his disgruntlement with different repeater users or the repeater operator known by disrupting communications. If he can’t operate the system the way he wants, when he wants, then no one gets to use it. He may be part of your group and may even be one of the ones complaining the most about “the jamming”. These are the manipulative type of jammers who try to recruit weaker minded people into their sad cause.

The sound effects jammer

This jammer feeds on indignation and disgust. Sound effects are “his bag” and even a disgusting word or two in a disguised voice. He also likes to play music and often uses a particular recording as his signature tune. His favourite pastime is waiting until someone he dislikes enters into a QSO and then unload his best stuff.

The rabid jammer

These are very sick jammers who have a need to do what they do in order to have some effect to the world around them. Everything else they do is a big zero and the ability to affect a large number of people, even in a negative manner, is just to good an opportunity to pass up.

The brazen jammer

These jammers are usually the ones that have already been caught, or are already known to others, and nobody wants to talk to them anymore. They know nobody wants to talk to them but they continuously call CQ without getting any replies. They see this as a legal way of jamming. What’s even sadder, and funnier, is “who calls CQ through a repeater anyway?”.

The radio ID Spoofer (DMR)

This is the new breed of idiot who enjoys spoofing radio ID’s of other users on DMR.  These hooligans also deem themselves to be real ham radio operators but upon investigation are just holders of the novice or basic license. They are very technical and experts at software programming. You can spot them very easily as they are the guys who hang out in coffee shops where they enjoy operating from. They will program your radio ID into their radio and enjoy the key up artist activity for hours

keep-calm-and-be-a-loser-28

The Burper

This is where the repeater users actually sit back and say to themselves “wow impressive” and I am glad i heard that. After knocking back a box of beer or two these carps are able to burp for 15 seconds in one gulp. So impressive, they want the world to hear them and then spend hours “burping” across several repeaters.

Multiple Personality Disorder Jammer

This is a rare one but they do exist on every repeater and can be tricky as they tend to have multiple call signs. They use these calls throughout the qso and at times even disguise their voice during the qso. These clowns use 2 call signs and change their voice during the qso and if you listen casually appear to be having a qso with themselves.

The Charity Jammer

These hooligans jam under a cause and for a cause. We all remember the “Pinky” jammer that jammed for breast cancer as well as the “veggie” jammer who jammed anyone who made mention of eating hamburgers on the air.

The Gang Jam

Somehow this sad jammer has actual friends that are just as sad as he is and socially inept as well so they gather as a group. Very easy to spot as they jam from coffee shops around the city in a co-ordinated effort thinking they can avoid detection. Coffee shops are a great place to use the internet and one can sip a small double double for hours. These guys are easy to spot as they are sitting in a corner, hidden behind a greasy baseball cap, hunched over their radio jamming away while munching on mini-donuts and checking the text messages for instructions from their beloved leader.

The I Live with Mommy Jammer

These guys have not figured it out that the mic on their Baefang radio can pick up conversations 25 feet away. Its always a treat when mommy can be heard in the background “Tommy my little boy, come eat your lunch, I made your favourite macaroni and cheese with ketchup” while they throw a carrier. Sadness is when you are 40 years old and you enjoy ketchup with your Kraft dinner and your mommy makes you lunch.

The Copy cat Jammer

They hear the burper one day and quickly realize that if they drink 12 beer maybe they can also produce a long and sustainable burp. As soon as they do they head off to VHF looking for active repeaters to “burp” one out. If you encourage them more they will drink another 12 beer and pass out letting the repeater go back to its normal use.

The Whisperer jammer

Somewhere down the line they lost their voice and the best they can do is whisper. This jammer is annoying at best because you cannot understand what they say. I really want to understand what they say but they can only whisper and if you engage in a qso with them then its frustrating because they can only whisper.

The Stuttering John Jammer

These guys take their cue from the Howard Stern show and try to mimic stuttering John while jamming. Speech impediments are not a laughing matter but these guys still try to jam regardless and some have resorted to touch tone jamming when they cannot get the word out.

The radio Check jammer

This is not jamming per se but just annoyance. When they awake they lie in bed and call out radio checks on various repeaters to see if their pofung radio still works. These 10 second radio checks can affect the current repeater activity for those looking to share weather information. These goofs will also radio check 20 minutes later while eating their fruit loops. You can hear the crunch crunch as they blurb out “can i get a radio check please???”

L-is-Loser

The Ghost jammer

My favourite jammer because they forget to turn their radio on and start the day jamming away oblivious to the fact that their radio is still turned off.

The Cat Lover Jammer

Again not a jammer. Just because they love their cat and want the world to know about it is not jamming. “So yeah 59 here and running a Alinco to a j-pole and just hanging here with antonio who by the way is so cute…he has such a grin” ….okay roger there Andy and fine business but sorry who is antonio???   “antonio is my beloved cat and he is so adorable…he is on my qrz.com page…i taught him how to key the mic for me while he sits in my lap”. Note that there are known Goldfish Lover jammers too.

The cat is the jammer jammer

Andy trained his cat to key up his Alinco so poor lonely Antonio will key up the radio looking for his owner who went to buy beer, cat litter and check his emails at the coffee shop. Listen carefully and you can hear antonio purring on the key up. Some of these cats have been known to purr at 107.2 ctss tone causing havoc on the linked repeater system

The Drive Thru Jammer aka Timmys Tommy

Timmys Tommy either moved to Angus with a new job at the Esso or may have gotten his novice license and gone legit, no one really knows. This key up artist only appeared on VHF in the 1990s and only on 6 repeaters. It was believed that he had a older Icom IC-22 and was set up for 6 channels on the old standard band plan of 94, 88, 82, 52 etc. He always keyed up at the drive through and you could here him place his order for a small double double and a crueller. He also fits the mommy mode because at times he would also state “and my wonderful mom wants a earl grey, bit of milk and a bran muffin”. How sweet!. Tommy does own a car.

The Tape Record Jammer

These are the old school guys with their microphones and tape recorders. They love to playback stuff that they recorded. Not so much the music oriented boys and girls but more to text based utterances. The one I recall fondly is the one where they were playing the words “I have a Dream”. The usual nonsense is the one where they record you with your sign on ID.

Ed The Sock Jammer

Poor Ed tried to shuck up some jokes on ham radio and it didnt work out with the general tv audience. He got more guffaws on CB Channel 11.

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The I got Cash Jammer

These are the bullies that have a part-time job and can be frugal in their lifestyle so that they can scrimp and save so they have money for beer, ramen noodles and used gear off the Buy & Sell. They can jam on several bands, several modes and can be found on DMR and analog. Some clever ones have figured out the 6m and 220 Mhz band plan and have found radios to also use there as well. Mommy will always buy them a radio for christmas or their birthday…a used one but a radio just as good.

The Target Jammer

This is the “i got a beef with you” approach and is rooted in jealousy and “no father” issues and is targeted as specific hams. They hide in the weeds running their radios in scan mode until the target pops up on the repeater to chat on his commute home. If you get on this guys bad list then he adds another target to jam and it could be you. The best approach is to try to find a target for him on another repeater to go jam leaving your repeater clear of interference.

The Car buzzfeed Jammer

This is how you spot the newbie operator who scored a $40 mobile at the last fleamarket from an advanced license holder. Everyone knows the old Kenwood had a non-filtered DC input as the mobile was designed for base station use only. The newbie would run the mobile off the cigarette lighter plug and bingo you got alternator whine throughout the transmission. He effectively jammed himself and made it hard to have a qso with especially if he was changing gears up and down a lot. Over time other hams just gave up talking to him because his self jam made it hard to understand people talking to him. Helpful hams would tell him to get the filtered dc cord for his radio, or get a new radio and leave that in the base, maybe get a car that was automatic or lets try another repeater maybe its just intermod. If this guy worked on getting his advanced license then he would have to understand DC filtering and how best to install a mobile in the car because the questions are in the study guide.

The Mobile Hilltop Jammer

The easiest jammers to catch because they like to work from high places from their car while enjoying their croissants and iced lattes. These are the high end jammers with their expensive ray bans and leather crocs and freshly washed car with the best radio with the highest power into their mag mount. They want to show how strong of a signal they have. Guess what they show up the quickest on the doppler systems and a bit of Bing Maps lookups or Topo Canada and you got the parking spot figured out.

The BassPro Deer Stand/ Duck Blind Jammer

Whack Packers are every where and in every community even the rural ones. These guys dressed out in full realtree cammo need to pass the time away while all alone waiting for deer or ducks to shoot. They are always jamming during the night and with handheld radios. Ask around the FRS community and see if the local kids get jammed on their Cobra FRS radios and they will all nod their heads…..these guys will  be jamming the kids conversations. This is not the Bogeyman jammer who goes around reciting “i am the bogeyman…I am the bogeyman” when jamming.

What can you do?

Well, not a lot really. You can’t reason with people of low intelligence. On the other hand you can minimise the annoyance factor by the way you react to them. Nothing you can do or say will stop them so simply remove yourself from the loop.

The answer is simply “don’t get stressed, give stress”. The worst insult you can throw at a jammer is to ignore him. Act like he isn’t there. Act like he is of no importance, which of course, he isn’t. It’s hard, but responding in any form means he’s won and you’ve lost. Instead, take satisfaction in the knowledge that by ignoring him you are also annoying him.

Jammers have a need for recognition, so don’t recognise them. Even a one word response like “loser” is enough to boost their ego enormously. If you respond, he’s won and you’ve lost.

If he’s a weak signal and is not effecting your QSO, then carry on as if he wasn’t there. Even if you go back with something like “you’re not making it so why don’t you give up” is enough to boost his ego. He’s won and you’ve lost.

Kerchunk jammers can only do it on a repeater that isn’t in use at the time. If it was being used then the kerchunk method wouldn’t work. The answer is as simple as the mind of the jammer, switch your radio off for five minutes. If he’s still there after five minutes, switch off for half an hour. If he wants to destroy his equipment by continuously keying it up, then let him.

It doesn’t really matter what type of jammer he is, the solution is always the same. Either ignore him or switch off. Don’t respond, don’t get into any sort of conversation with him, don’t be a weak minded moron yourself and get manipulated into his games. Just ignore him. If you do anything else, he’s won and you’ve lost.

You’ve spent a lot of time and money on this hobby, don’t let somebody else spoil it for you. You only become a victim if you allow yourself to become one. Don’t be a victim.

Its just a hobby so let the key up artists and jammers have their fun because life is short and no need to stress out over it and they do get caught and do provide immense entertainment value

Many jammers think they are anonymous but the reality is several hams have figured them out and they know who the jammers are and just let them go about their daily jamming to continue to demonstrate to the ham community how sad their life is

“Give a jammer enough rope and he will hang himself”.

thanks to our friend Gb3ok for guidance on this

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One comment

  1. ve3ips · November 5, 2015

    oh i was reminded….THE I GOT TWO RADIOS JAMMER….this happy go lucky show off is too anxious to show you that he bought two radios at the hamfest. His wonderful Magnum CB and his new 16 channel Baofeng……easy to spot he carps up on the TFMCS repeaters (which is the target of all jammers for all the reasons) ANS 27.385 LSB at the same time. So check your freqs and if he gets a dual bander he may jam up TWR on VHF and UHF for a real treat. This is great fun for when the repeater is quiet

    Like

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